ALERTNESS
"Alert?" repeated a congressman, when questioned concerning one of his political opponents. "Why, he's alert as a Providence bridegroom I heard of the other day. You know how bridegrooms starting off on their honeymoons sometimes forget all about their brides, and buy tickets only for themselves? That is what happened to the Providence young man. And when his wife said to him, 'Why, Tom, you bought only one ticket,' he answered without a moment's hesitation, 'By Jove, you're right, dear! I'd forgotten myself entirely!'"
ALIBI
A party of Manila army women were returning in an auto from a suburban excursion when the driver unfortunately collided with another vehicle. While a policeman was taking down the names of those concerned an "English-speaking" Filipino law-student politely asked one of the ladies how the accident had happened.
"I'm sure I don't know," she replied; "I was asleep when it occurred."
Proud of his knowledge of the Anglo-Saxon tongue, the youth replied:
"Ah, madam, then you will be able to prove a lullaby."
ALIMONY
"What is alimony, ma?"
"It is a man's cash surrender value."—Town Topics
The proof of the wedding is in the alimony.
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