AGENTS, AGRICULTURE AND ALARM CLOCKS

AGENTS
"John, whatever induced you to buy a house in this forsaken region?"
"One of the best men in the business."—Life.

AGRICULTURE
A farmer, according to this definition, is a man who makes his money on the farm and spends it in town. An agriculturist is a man who makes his money in town and spends it on the farm.

In certain parts of the west, where without irrigation the cultivators of the land would be in a bad way indeed, the light rains that during the growing season fall from time to time, are appreciated to a degree that is unknown in the east.
Last summer a fruit grower who owns fifty acres of orchards was rejoicing in one of these precipitations of moisture, when his hired man came into the house.
"Why don't you stay in out of the rain?" asked the fruit-man.
"I don't mind a little dew like this," said the man. "I can work along just the same."
"Oh, I'm not talking about that," exclaimed the fruit-man. "The next time it rains, you can come into the house. I want that water on the land."

They used to have a farming rule
Of forty acres and a mule.
Results were won by later men
With forty square feet and a hen.
And nowadays success we see
With forty inches and a bee.
—Wasp.

Blessed be agriculture! if one does not have too much of it.—Charles Dudley Warner.

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization.—Daniel Webster.

ALARM CLOCKS
MIKE (in bed, to alarm-clock as it goes off)—"I fooled yez that time. I was not aslape at all."